Hanna (2011)

Trailer

4 upside down mushrooms hanging from the ceiling out of 5

This movie was sick. It was also very reminiscent of Kill Bill, particularly the opening scene of each. Watch both and tell me they`re not related. I dare ye.

So, Hanna, played by Saoirse Ronan (pronounced sur-shuh), is an adorable little girl living in the forest with her pop-pop, a hairy and unkempt but still somewhat attractive Eric Bana (pronounced boh-ring). We learn in the exposition that Bana has been training Hanna to be able to fend for herself not only in the forest but in a variety of situations. They`re fighting, hunting, cooking, disembowling, shooting, etc. He`s super tough on her but always has his eye out for her. Bana knows tough love.

So this is not just a typical person-with-cool-abilities movie. Hanna`s never left the forest since she was brought there as a baby. So when she does leave (you`ve been spoiled!), although being extremely prepared physically, historically and linguistically, she`s extremely overwhelmed by things such as electricity and other humans in general. It`s interesting to see how a deft girl who`s so confident in the forest is thrust into a totally new environment and rendered almost immobile by simple things we take for granted. A nice touch compared to the unwavering badassery of the characters typically portrayed in assassin-ish movies.

Cate Blanchett is probably the best character in this movie after Hanna. She plays Hanna`s nemesis, Marissa Weigler, a tough bitch with Ariel-red hair who pays intense attention to the cleanliness of her gums. Really good character. I love seeing Cate Blanchett as a horrible woman. She is excellent at it. You will thoroughly enjoy her search for Hanna as well as her collection of business pumps displayed in this movie.

Definitely see this movie if you like action, snow, foreign languages and camera tricks that are influenced by the characters` emotions. Bring your girlfriend, too. Because if you leave her at home, she might flip that fucking switch and set off a riot. You`ll see what I mean.

- Bill

Abduction (2011)

Trailer

2 pouty shark faces out of 5.

I`m not ashamed to admit I`ve followed the Twilight series with the same zeal as a tween girl and so I`m equally unashamed to review this attempt at establishing Taylor "Guesswhatmyshirtisoffagain" Lautner as a serious actor.

Abduction is pretty fun. If you are looking for some fast action, hand-to-hand combat and lots of chasing, look no further. However, if you are looking to be impressed by Lautner`s emotional range, you might want to go back to Twilight where at least he becomes a wolf when he`s angry. In Abduction, he just looks at stuff off camera for a few seconds whenever needs to express something unspoken. I guess it must work for people whose abs are insured.

It`s an entertaining story involving witness-protection-programesque secrets, CIA handlers and one or two pretty foreseeable twists that still deliver despite their written-for-cromagnon set-ups. Lautner honestly doesn`t have his shirt off as much in this movie, although it can be argued that a few more shirt-changing scenes couldn`t have hurt the overall aesthetic of the movie. After all, he was on the run a lot and if we`re following Harrison`s Fugitive rules, then we should have had a few more ab-revealing costume changes.

I will say that Lautner definitely worked very hard on the physical aspects of this movie. Towards the end, he gets the chance to do some of his own parkour-ish stunts and pulls them off well. Those are when he really shines I think. But when asked to portray some of the more $5 emotions like "sadness leading to vengeance" or "beat down but goal-oriented", I just don`t think he pulls it off. He doesn`t seem like much of a thinker so when he comes up with this well-thought-out plan to bait and trap the enemy, it`s pretty unbelieveable that he considered such details.

I can`t believe I almost forgot this one... Lautner`s character is seeing a therapist played by Sigourney Weaver. I was unimpressed. He has this little speech during one of their sessions that`s the classic "I feel so different from everyone else. Like I just don`t fit in. I don`t know what`s wrong with me..." bullshit we`d expect to hear from characters played by Jesse Eisenberg. But hearing that kind of line from Lautner is like hearing NorthFace/Ugg-wearing white girls complain about hair straightening products. Shut up already.

You could waste your time in worse ways than seeing this movie. Just be ready for your girlfriend`s post movie request to join a gym, stop playing WoW so much and to sign up for kickboxing with her on Wednesday nights from 7 to 9.

- Bill

Frozen (2010)

Trailer

2 chairlifts out of 5

A classic case of the movie being just a 90 minute version of the 2 minute trailer.  Although I wouldn't classify this movie as bad, it's also far from good.  Points go toward a good idea, because it's playing on a fear all skier and snowboarders have thought about, but the execution and fear factor was just mediocre.  The catch here is that the mountain is open Fridays thru Sundays only...maybe living in the northeast leaves me naive but I've never heard of that.

In my opinion this movie would have been better if the victim's experiences were as a result of a recently laid off chair lift operator's anger.  That would have opened up more avenues for scarier "moments" and additional story lines for the movie.

I guess this movie was okay though.  Mildly entertaining, potentially worth a watch just so you can say you did.