Dog Day Afternoon (1975)

 Dog Day Afternoon - Trailer

$5.00 out of $5.00

Now we're talking!!! This movie was the reaaaallllll deal!!!

No wonder this is a classic and I am going to thank the co-worker that recommended this movie first this Monday morning!

This movie is PERFECT.  On the surface its about a bank robbery, but deep down its much more than that.  A bank robbery goes bad and it turns out the burglars turn into the media heroes and the cops are the villains.  Amazing story, and even more amazing that its based on a true story!!! Are you kidding!??!

Al Pacino is absolutely brilliant in this movie, no big suprise, and his character is totally relatable.  The movie has the perfect mix of light humor and violence, amazing dialogue and a strong message.  Like any great movie, not a scene, or a line was wasted. 

If you haven't seen this movie, do it now! BRILLIANT!!!

Transporter, The (2002)

The Transporter - Trailer

1.5 Chinese Accents out of 5

I was stupid enough to think this would be different than any other Jason Statham movie I have ever watched.  I am a complete idiot for thinking so.

This movie lacked everything except new and fun fighting scenes.  Hence the half a chinese accent it was able to squeeze out on my rating.

Speaking of chinese accents, the girl that was cast to be this guy's love interest turned out to be one of the most uninteresting and downright terrible characters of all time.  She was terrible in every way! And on top of that, she had such a thick accent you could hardly understand a word she was saying.  I almost thought subtitles were necessary.

This was a complete joke.  Jackie Chan movies at least had some decent humor in them, and they were cute.  I'd also like to add I could understand Jackie Chan. 

This movie is just terrible aside from the fight scenes.  Yes, it's mildly entertaining, Crank 1 and 2 were much better.  I will probably still end up seeing the other transporters though...

-Gerard

Winter`s Bone

(2010)

Trailer

2 gritty trailer babies out of 5

UGH. After watching this movie, that `s the sound I need to make. An exasperated UGH. Not so much out of disgust but out of disappointment and general exhaustion. I also feel the need to take a shower.

Winter`s Bone follows this teenage girl, Ree, from rural (among other adjectives) America as she tries to track down her meth-cooking father who put up their family`s house and plot of land as bail. Now, he`s out, hasn`t shown up for his court date and is running around town avoiding everyone but the redneck mafia (more on this group later). Ree`s stuck at home taking care of her two younger siblings as well as her mother who appears to be in some sort of general malaise. We meet her mother like once or twice throughout the movie and she`s described in an offhand manner as being "out of it" or whatever so it`s pretty annoying that she wasn`t even given a decent illness to use as an excuse for not having any lines in the entire film. She just stares at shit while Ree talks. Such a waste of time, having her in the movie. I would`ve preferred it if she were just a dead character, would`ve been simpler I think. Anyway, what am I doing? I`m straying away from the rich plot line. I do apologize. So Ree goes around from shantytown A to trailer park B looking for her father and runs into multiple obstacles along the way. That sums it up. Best part is though, her expression changes only once in the entire movie and it`s a result of her having been beaten so hard in the face that one side swells up and she`s forced to pout a little bit and drop that annoying "looking into the horizon" bullshit that she`s doing on the movie poster. UGH.

Interesting fact: There`s a ludicrous old-time-photo-esque black and white montage at the 3/4 mark of this movie. It`s ridiculous. It doesn`t fit into the movie in the least. The reason for it is only slightly hinted at by the visuals but it is not warranted in the least. The 30 second montage doesn`t even have any good music to accompany it and looks like it was made automatically by pressing Play at the bottom of your iPhoto library. UGH. Even iPhoto would`ve matched the montage to decent, if instrumental, music. COME ON!

At several points in this movie, Ree interacts with the Redneck Mafia who, according to the movie, are an organized group, work within a hierarchy and warn people with beatings just like a real urban crime syndicate. Has anyone ever met a redneck gangster? I haven`t. I thought that the law/vigilante scene was pretty much covered by bikers and such in that part of the country but obviously I have been proved wrong. I don`t think anyone in this movie had enough money to even fill a bike`s tank. Let alone buy enough leather outfits to accommodate such a bold lifestyle choice. One of the alpha male types in the mafia was wearing a vest though, if I recall correctly. But I`m pretty sure it was covered with buttons or medals or something, possibly even left over flare from Office Space. He was portrayed as the tough guy in the group and did the whole butting-heads showdown with another character to prove he was in charge. I`ve already seen this, Winter`s Bone. If I wanted to waste more of my movie viewing time on two men butting heads for absurd reasons, I`d watch Twilight again. In fact, I`m going to watch Twilight again now anyway. Just to get the taste of your hackneyed movie out of my mouth.

This movie tried too hard. Plain and simple as that. Do you remember Slumdog Millionaire and how everyone loved it because it was a real look into the gritty underbelly of Mumbai`s secret society of child prostitutes and Indian gangsters? You do? Good. Now imagine Slumdog Millionaire set in the boonies of East Bumblefuck. You`ve just seen this movie. There are a few differences though. Ree never falls in love in this movie. She`s too busy not showering and looking for that ever elusive horizon. There aren`t any game shows either. However, there is a nice and convenient little miracle at the end of the movie to save everyone from their problems and give us all a positive outlook as we exit the theatre. UGH. Movie, you tried desperately to shock and awe us with this never-before-seen look into the lives of the lower class but you tried way too hard.

This movie received a fair amount of awards and nominations in 2010 and that just goes to show how even on the independent circuit, a Hollywood movie will win as an indie movie simply because it follows the formula last year`s winner did. Let`s do something new next year. How about a realistic ending? How about a movie with a montage? How about a shower?

Don`t bother with this movie.

- B

Rabbit Hole

(2010)
Trailer
4.5 memories of your dead son out of 5

I know that was horrible. But this movie was so good and so heavy and so serious that I felt we needed a little levity.

Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart play an unreasonably good-looking and physically fit couple in their 40s. At the beginning of the movie, we know they`ve lost their son due to reasons extrapolated upon later. The movie is basically about how the two parents deal with the loss in different ways 8 months after their 4-year-old`s death.

They spend a bit of time in group therapy, smoke a little pot, do the almost-cheat and even befriend their child`s killer; all in the hope that each new activity will give them closure and the ability to move on. No one moves on though, until the end of the movie. But even then, it`s done in a very Lost Series Finale sort of way so you can decide how you feel about that.

Now I`m not one to be easily moved. I`d be hard-pressed to name 5 movies which really made me empathetic. That being said, this movie was pretty moving. A moving movie, if you`d prefer. In particular, there`s a great yelling scene between the parents where all the boiling anger for each other and guilt that they`ve been trying to WASPily hide for 8 months comes bursting out and we get to finally see why Aaron Eckhart makes money.

Eckhart, in my opinion, has never really stood out as an actor before. He`s handsome, built, tan, blonde and has a ridiculously square jaw that looks unfortunately large in this movie paired with his wierd "I`m suburban" haircut. But from out of nowhere came this really universal character and loveable husband that worked so well in this movie. Nicole Kidman is deep and beautiful and fragile and strong and tidy as usual. I was not surprised by her. I`ve just come to expect a certain level of acting from her. She delivers. OK. I think what we`re all waiting for now is for her to really fuck something up again like Moulin Rouge, Australia or Nine. Honestly, when Kidman is paired with a decent and thoughtful director who pushes her to do normal, human shit, she really pulls through and gives a great performance. But when she gets together with her buddy Baz, shit hits the fan and they get all "Australian" and start doing things they shouldn`t. If you want to see a good Australian movie, you should watch Animal Kingdom. If you want to see a good drama that will probably make someone in the room cry at least twice and someone else hold your hand meaningfully while giving you a teary-yet-knowing glance, then watch this movie.

- B

Munich (2005)

Munich - Trailer

3.5 awkward pregnant sex scenes out of 5.

Yes, there was an awkward sex scene between a man and a pregnant woman.  The scene is meant to show the love between the two partners, and how the child is now yet another reason for the guy to miss home while he's out on his mission, and another reason to not go, and blah blah blah.  The scene's intent could have probably been accomplished with a make out session, or even a deep and well thought out discussion.

Moving on....

The movie was pretty entertaining, although was pretty predictable, and nothing was ever really a surprise.  The movie was definitely good and interesting enough to keep me wanting to see how the group would keep committing assassinations while of course upping the drama factor with each hit.  

The movie was a bit long (almost three hours), and it probably should have only been two, that would have been enough.

And I am always a sucker for "Based on True Events" movies.

-Gerard

Monsters, Inc. (2001)

Monsters, Inc. - Trailer

4 Monsters out of 5.

This is meant to be a compliment, but this is just like every other Pixar Movie. 

This movie had your Pixar standard handful of good jokes, handful of cute moments, handful of cool visual effects you are impressed with, etc.  It also had your standard Pixar predictable ending.

However, with all that being said, it's still a highly entertaining movie and a great watch.  Due to the movie being computer animated, the movie is very unique and the plot will never be duplicated (as with any Pixar Movie).

I'd tell you to go watch it, but you probably already have.  I'm in the minority, not having seen the movie until recently.

- Gerard

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

(5 shouts out of 5)

Trailer

Wow. Having been born in 1984, I was obviously not old enough at the tender age of 8 to either enjoy, appreciate or let alone understand this movie at the time it came out. I think I was really into Casper movies when I was 8 years old so you might be able to understand why this one was a bit over my head.

I usually like to rip on old movies because they don`t withstand the test of time, aren`t universally applicable or use outdated language and themes that alienate contemporary audiences. This movie, thankfully, did none of that. I`ll admit that in the beginning, it was a little slow and somewhat confusing as to what was going on. This is probably because I hadn`t seen any trailers or heard a synopsis before viewing. Are they policeman? Are the leads actually witnesses? Why the fuck are they so serious? Why are they saying "fuck" so often? Isn`t it 1992? (Trivia - the word "fuck" or any form of it was uttered a total of 138 times in this movie.) Kudos to you, Alec Baldwin and Al Pacino.

Luckily, I soon caught on and was hooked as soon as Alec Baldwin started his very impressive but somewhat typecasted speech as the ballbreaker who threatens all of the salesman with unemployment. Really good speech. I had thought that after this speech, the whole movie would be about all of them scrambling to be the top salesman and the hijinks that would ensue but I was happily corrected. The rest of the movie was just as intense, serious and loud as that first diatribe. I would have loved to been at the auditions for this movie.

Director: Can you yell?

Applicant: Yes.

Director: Can you yell loudly and curse?

Applicant: Yes.

Director: Can you smoke cigarettes after you yell?

Applicant: Yes.

Director: Do you have a suit to wear while yelling?

Applicant: Yes.

Director: You`re hired.

Honestly, if I were an ESL student watching this movie as a representation of American cinema, I would believe that all American movies consist of a lot of yelling and cursing, followed by serious heart-to-hearts with strange one-sided conversations in between. I know this movie was based on a Mamet play but still, I would be really confused and ruined for all future movies.

All the actors in this movie do a great job, especially Lemon, Pacino and Harris, respectively. I understand that Alec Baldwin`s tough-guy motivation speech at the beginning of the movie is one of the more memorable moments but I`m suspicious that`s only because it`s the first big rant of the film. Once the salesmen are set on their task, you see the real action start. Lemon transforms from a tired old man who wants to go home into a dazzling, charming and affluent businessman in the blink of an eye once his clients answer his call. He delivers his manipulative speeches with such ease and fluidity that you really do believe he had been doing this for years.

Pacino, on the other hand, goes a completely different route. It`s not obvious at the beginning of the story, because he seems to be out with a friend having a drink. He`s doing most of the talking, about lots of vague topics, seemingly unconnected to the story at all, just slowly gaining the confidence of the guy he appears to have met at the bar. But then after cutting to his scene about 3 or 4 times, we finally see him set out a brochure in front his acquaintance, showing us just how much dedication he had put into this one sales pitch and how deep he had to get into the mark`s psyche in order to make this sale. It`s a very interesting and dark look at how sales are made and it made me very glad I don`t work in retail anymore. I remember the pain of getting berated by bosses when I couldn`t sell alcoholic mixed drinks to senior citizens during my Sunday afternoon shift at a Pennsylvania steakhouse. If I had even an ounce of the charm that Pacino embodied in this film, the grannies would`ve been backing their Cadillacs into trees every weekend. Unfortunately, I do not have that suave air about me nor do I like wearing suits. And that`s where I am in life right now.

If you haven`t already, see this movie. You should probably wear a suit while you`re watching it.

Let The Right One In (2008)

3 out of 5 fangs.

Trailer

It`s pretty rare that a movie described as being in the horror genre is able to hold its own in a dramatic sense as well. Let The Right One In actually did it pretty well.

Subbed in English and spoken in Swedish, the movie tread the thin triple line between a long and drawn out European film, a slightly inappropriate drama involving children and another vampire movie lost in a sea of similar attempts. Fortunately, it avoids all three pitfalls pretty artfully and keeps you interested without scaring you away too often. I never found myself really cringing at anything, but was never bored enough to sleep either and believe me, I have a very comfortable couch which is not conducive to viewing any kind of movie after 3pm according to my old-man body-clock.

Alright. So the main character is a 12-year-old boy, Oskar, who`s bullied at school but makes a slow friendship with this girl that just moved into his apartment building. The movie follows Oskar, the girl, Eli, and the girl`s "father" as he goes out and murders people around town to harvest blood so that she won`t have to be subjected to killing humans herself, which she does anyway on the side when her cravings get too strong. Interesting sound tidbit here: the filmmaker was really specific in the way he wanted to portray the characters in this movie. During the first half of the film, the younger characters were always shot in close-up with the background out of focus to ensure that we get a sense of how isolated these kids are. It also helps that it`s set in a suburb of Stockholm in the winter which is pretty isolating in itself. There are a lot of long moments/pauses on the children`s reactions which lead me to think that either (1)these children are super cerebral and sentient creatures, (2) the actors are confused about how to react to the previous line or (3) it`s proof of the stereotype that European movies are always long, pensive, dark and drawn out. Let`s give the benefit of the doubt to the kids this once and say that they`re just deep feelers. That sounded raunchy.

Speaking of raunchy, there was a quick shot of the vampire girl changing into a dress and you can see her choch pretty clearly. This was a little upsetting for my sensitive-to-gay-priests American mindset but quickly overcome as I reminded myself it was made in Sweden and in Europe, nudity, drugs, gays and liquor are all in a "depends on the family" kind of idea group. But I thought about it and decided that if she were my daughter, I definitely wouldn`t want her showing her 12-year-old on the silver screen. I wouldn`t care how much she was getting paid or how "method" of an actress she claimed to be at that age. They can pay for a fucking body double if they want baby choch so bad in that movie. My little girl`s choch is no one`s business but her own until she`s like 18 and then I just have to start drinking heavily until I get used to the fact in a very Steve Martin in Father of the Bride way.

It`s a fun watch. Just be sure to download the .srt file or you`ll feel like you`re watching junior Twilight through the eyes of an IKEA employee.

- B

Black Swan (2010)

Trailer

(4 Feathers)

No one should expect anything less than excellence from Darren Aronofsky. Although not every film can be a star, (The Wrestler) he has plenty more behind him that have blown audiences away not just with direction, but with new ideas in film making and editing. Of course, it doesn`t hurt when you choose a lead actress like Natalie Portman either.

This movie made my skin crawl, made me physically and mentally uneasy and kept my attention throughout. I highly recommend this to anyone who enjoys thinking during a movie. If you liked Machete, great. You can like this movie too, but for completely different reasons which inhabit the opposite hemisphere of your brain.

1. It`s shot beautifully with the camera flying around the stage and dancers so fluidly that you`d swear it were on a track or done in post-production. All the coverage of the ballet aspect of the movie combines nicely with the inner hallucinations to keep you interested, especially for those who can`t watch more than 5 minutes of ballet in one sitting.

2. The actors are fantastic. Even Mila Kunis is bearable (for once). I know. Unbelievable, right? She was boring on That 70`s Show, lackluster even in voice form on Family Guy, how does she pay for her life? Train that girl for a few months in ballet, slap on some makeup and she is ready for the stage. She played a very believeable bitch character, which would`ve been done better by Rachel McAdams, but still, did alright. It probably didn`t hurt either that she was willing to lez out with Natalie Portman. Let`s be careful not to forget that in the movies, going gay is usually a good career move. People want to see an actor challenge himself (as if making out with either Mila Kunis or Natalie Portman would be a challenge for anyone) and when we get to see them going at it, our primal selves are excited and so then our more advanced selves think "oh my, I`m so naughty" and we tell ourselves we`re excited because of the actors` committment. Bullshit. Everyone likes a girl on girl scene. Even the gays. Moving on.

The ballet director, Vincent Cassel, is also excellent in this movie. He embodies all of the sexiness of French culture and everything Americans hate about it as well. He manipulates, gropes and fucks his way through the dancers` lives with a sly French smile on his face the entire time.

Also, Portman`s mother, Barbara Hershey, was very nice to watch. She was a cross between Mommie Dearest`s Faye Dunaway and Carrie`s Piper Laurie. Very crazy, very intense and everyone wants to smack her. Loved it.

3. The music adds so much tension and warmth to the movie, a common landmark in Aronofsky`s films, especially with the intense theme from Requiem for a Dream. So many people ripped that music for themselves since seeing Requiem and have used it for everything from trailers to soap commercials.

OK, you`re probably thinking, why is he being so nice and positive towards this movie? Isn`t he usually more of an asshole? I felt we needed a fresh, positive start for 2011. That being said, from now on you may continue to expect the same quality of disparagement and pure hate that you have all come to know and love.

- B